RunningScared.

5.19.15

Much like any honest human being, I have a lengthy list of fears. I’m finding, the more dreams and expectations I accumulate, the more scared I become of not measuring up.

I was watching the t.v show Cristela today, getting annoyed of the monotony, silently cursing the writers for producing new episodes that resemble almost perfectly the one prior to. As an audience, we want to be entertained, right? In order to do so there has to be new action, new drama, new problems to solve.

Commotion. Movement. Applause.

Sitting here now, I consider how much those three words tend to be what I desire in my own day to day life. New action, new problems to solve, new people to see, understand, impress. My life is saturated with an eagerness for new action, but instead of feeling more developed and accomplished, I feel rushed.

Monotony isn’t such a bad thing. Antiques are rusted and treasured not because they are old, but because they have been able to withstand time.

Staying in the same city, getting to know my same friends better, looking over old novels, making similar meals, attending the same school. Those are beautiful commitments. Those traditions don’t form dust on your shoulder blades much like I’ve come to believe. Instead, they glisten, they shine a little brighter as recognizable and worthy engagements. They piece together your story with more finality.

The best stories don’t have constant action, drama or alternating characters. Rather, they include humor, loyalty, diversity, courage, kindness and undoubtedly, connection. Being entertained is a cheap thrill. It turns out, once you begin to observe your life from a more balanced point of view, you begin to notice how much the descriptor, “monotony” doesn’t quite fit.

The most refined and powerful scenes in your story haven’t been made in split seconds. Your days don’t need to sparkle just to ensure they matter. Consistency is an attribute of people who live lives full of intention. People who are so sure of their day to day routine, they enjoy repeating it time and time again.

The continuity of your life shouldn’t be seen as a cage you’re standing in. Your commitments are the building blocks of your own supremacy.

Ideally, I wish to feel permanent. Stuck, with my roots in the ground, but growing beautifully, nonetheless.

-b

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