Every day I wake up with the desire to feel different. Accomplished. More developed. Stronger.
But most days I don’t.
What happens when a significant amount of your life is spent in limbo? When you constantly wonder whether you’re regressing or standing completely still?
I feel like I’m the main character in a rat race.
Searching and scavenging and competing to be better at all these things that aren’t filling me up. Things that I can’t master anyways. Things that are emptying me more than they are satisfying me. I want to be better and smarter and wiser. But more than that, I want to stop exhausting myself by pouring my life into these pursuits.
I want to stand here and feel peaceful with who and what I am right now. I’m begging the universe in its entirety to answer that prayer. I’m asking myself to be alright with where I am.
And I’m scared because I don’t know how.