“I’ll never know, and neither will you, of the life you don’t choose. We’ll only know that whatever that sister life was, it was important and beautiful and not ours. It was the ghost ship that didn’t carry us. There’s nothing to do but salute it from the shore.” -Cheryl Strayed
There’s a messy part of a human that constantly feigns for a stab at what could’ve been. Maybe if we would’ve chosen that school, that job, that guy, that major. Maybe it we would’ve trained harder, stayed out later, forgave more, held on for longer, let go sooner.
We fumble back in and around our past with desperate attempts to find clarity from the decisions we chose, but our footsteps are jagged and rough as we stomp on the people we used to call our own, as we shove ourselves back into the places we used to brand as “home,” and as we re-tattoo ourselves with the labels we were once known for.
Those things, people, and places don’t belong to us anymore. The resolve we’re looking for can’t be found in a tired dream or a lost friend. The answer to our feeble pursuits in trying to make sense of the life we left behind sits directly in front of us. Our life bubbles down to our todays and tomorrows. We wake up and purposefully choose over and over again who we are. We are not here by chance or luck or a bigger divine plan. We are here because we believed in our choices enough to confidently pursue and live them out. The knowledge of this is the only resolve you will ever find, and luckily enough, it’s the only resolve you have ever needed.
I’m not asking you to shield your past like an escaped convict. My reminiscent mind travels back to familiar grounds and hearts more often than I’d like to admit. What I’m learning however, is how to be at peace with the reasons why I left, the choices I made in doing so, the people I distanced myself from, and the relationships I left faded and lingering.
It’s unrealistic to indefinitely remove yourself from your past, but in the same breath, it’s ignorant for us to believe we still belong there.
“Let us be eager to leave what is familiar for what is true.” -Francis Chan