Garbage.

12.6.15

I really enjoy throwing things away. In a perfect world, I would only own exactly what I absolutely needed. I imagine my room being spotless with one picture frame encompassing my closest friends and family in one big huddle. I can see a huge bookshelf with every word I’ve ever read and cried over and cheered alongside. And then a bed. A bed with blankets and pillows and refuge. And that’s it. Period. I would never go shopping or fantasize over this or that. My life would be settled and set and I’d be content and simple.

In hopes of creating this life, this image, this goal, I go on purges. I throw clothes away relentlessly, I clean under my bed, I go back and forth on whether or not I really need those tennis shoes sitting in the back of my closet.

A small, wise part of me knows I do this when I truly need to be disposing of other very real, tangible, toxic components of my life. People.

Please, please, please, God, give me enough courage and self-respect to purposefully and once and for all, LET GO OF THE PEOPLE WHO AREN’T MAKING ME A BETTER HUMAN BEING. That is the ultimatum. You either are or you aren’t. There should be no lingering, no ifs or buts or could have or maybe will one day. Those statements are overused and abused, and frankly, they’re for cowards. They’re for people who are scared and small and unable to pave way for a life they can only dream of.

Here’s the thing, if you wanted something bad enough, you would be doing everything in your power to make it be. If I was honest enough with the state of my heart, I would gladly pluck the people from my life who drown me.

We have the say. There’s enough bitterness and hurt to remedy throughout this world and throughout a lifetime. It’s damn well foolish to be provoking it in your life, welcoming it in in hopes of a redemption story.

If something or someone does not make you a better human being, throw it/them out.

Period.

-b

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