Deflated.

3.2.16

“I am a series of small victories and large defeats.” -Charles Bukowski

For a moment, can I take today and scream into a pillow or get in my car and drive until I’m in a place I don’t feel responsible for or to. I’m deflated and exhausted and tired and so unbelievably hungry for encouragement.

SOMEONE, BY GOD, TELL ME I’M DOING SOMETHING RIGHT.

It’s been written that, “If you need encouragement, praise, pats on the back from everybody, then you make everybody your judge.” But in contrast, if you never receive positive feedback of any sort, when voices keep nudging you, pushing you, molding you; when people continually look upon you with their condescending eyes and faded smirk, you become deflated. It’s exhausting to always be performing, working, exerting, producing.

It becomes too much.

I’m giving up my idealist mindset in the sense of needing praise from certain humans. Truthfully, I could call half a dozen people and beg them to tell me I’m enough, I’m doing the right thing, I’m big enough for this battle; whatever cliche slogan you can muster up, they could whip out.

Those are feeble attempts in beginning the process of building someone up. Most times, the praise we need is offered to us in some other, very metaphorical, cosmic way. Sometimes, it’ll be a long blog post you pry from your own being after an exhausting day of unrelenting demands. Other times, it’ll be a candle flickering and alive beside you, reminding you how powerful one flame can be so long as it keeps burning.

Do you know what’s worse than the weight of the systems you’re engulfed in; the expectations of the people you’re working with and for?

Letting them win. 

If there’s anything I stand by indefinitely it’s not letting anyone or anything dull the rip-roaring inferno that’s so evidently ablaze in each one of us. The world seems to do that far too often. Time gets the best of us.

Let this be my encouragement for you my friend: March on. Do not tarry. You are big enough, strong enough, fierce enough, bold enough, smart enough.

You are as you are, complete and authentic and what others need you to be.

When it becomes too much, as it will, find your people. Find your outlet, your place, your mindset. Don’t run from this. Dig deeper.

You’ll be surprised by what you find. You’ll be amazed at what you can overcome. You’ll be glad you stayed.

-b

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